For when it looks like your world is crashing down around you, here’s something I want you to know.
Go and pour yourself a cup of tea before you read these words, sit in a comfortable chair or propped up in your bed. I want you to read these words with an open heart and a curious mind. What I want to share might make no sense to your intellectual mind. I want you to listen with your heart, that deep place within. Still your chattering judgments for a moment.
You’re doing fine my lovely. You truly are. Know this, whatever is going on right now. You’re going to be okay, because you already are. Whatever chaos, trauma, grief, fear, pain, uncertainty you’re facing in your life right now you are fundamentally and deeply okay. You will come through it. A thunderstorm, however violent never lasts forever, it moves on.
We feel pain, it’s part of the human condition, suffering is something we create for ourselves when we sit stuck, paralysed in our pain. The theosopher Sydney Banks wrote, “If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.”
Our feelings can’t hurt us, our thinking about how we’re feeling is what causes our suffering.
Events happen all the time, a loved one dies, we get a diagnosis, we hear of redundancies at work, one of our children has got in with the ‘wrong’ crowd, the political party we voted for didn’t get elected, our daughter is getting thinner. Life is happening around us every single day. We feel the pain of these events, that’s normal. What no longer feels normal for me is to analysis, dig around in and continue to think hard about these events. I’m not for one minute suggesting that we ignore or hide from or deny these events. What I’m pointing to is the fact that our suffering comes from judging our feelings about what’s happening.
Your wellbeing, my lovely, is not dependent on what is happening outside you. We are all innately well. It’s part of the human operating system. We are resilient, we have a clear state of mind, we are naturally confident, all of this is built into the design, it’s our gift for being human. What takes us away from this, what clouds our wellbeing is getting caught up in our thinking.
We fear our emotions, we fear that if we don’t think hard all day about a solution to our ‘problem’ then we’ll go insane. We tell ourselves we have to sort it out.
Many of us are so scared of feeling emotional pain that we numb it in the hope that it will go away. We avoid the feelings. We drink, we smoke, we exercise obsessively, we gamble, we are addicted. And the suffering remains. Our feelings are simply a guide that our thinking has gone off track, just like the rumble strip as we come up to a roundabout reminding us to slow down.
We live in a world of thought, I’m sure you’re seeing this now. We have many thousands of thoughts a day, most we take no notice of. Some we treat as if they are important, we treat them as if they are facts. They’re not. Thought is transient.
“I’ll never get over my mother’s death” is a thought
“I’ll never get another job” is a thought
“I will never find love again” is a thought
“I need a drink to relax” is a thought
Think of a thought as a single cloud passing in the sky. We take no notice of it and it leaves. One cloud we decide is important and we get hooked into it, another thought pops up and the cloud gets bigger, and another, and another, all related to this first thought. Before we know it we’ve got a brooding sky full of fearful thoughts that we created.
Clarity, peace of mind, mental health, and wisdom are our default setting. I’m pointing you back to this place. I call in home.
Please get in touch if you’d like a conversation.