If you pay much attention to the media then you’d be absolutely right to think that dating in midlife is something to steer well clear of, that it’s something to be ignored and avoided at all costs. Not a week goes by without some new midlife dating calamity hitting the weekend papers or online blogs. STOP! Sadly people love reading about others misfortunes, it’s part of the human condition.
I’m a firm believer in midlife being a time of renewal, it’s a time to take stock and look back and appreciate how far we’ve come, all we’ve faced, all we’ve achieved, and all the lessons we’ve learned. It’s a time to realise that our experience has given us a depth of wisdom that is only possible with age. It is this wisdom that makes midlife dating the best time to date.
- Many of us will have experienced the ending of a long term relationship, we might have experienced the emotional upheaval of divorce. By now we have a pretty clear idea of what a good relationship needs to look and feel like for us because we know what it feels like when it doesn’t work. This is a good place to start.
- We know our values and what’s important in our lives. As a result we are much more confident in what we are looking for in a relationship. We know the deal breakers. We know what we won’t tolerate in a relationship. When we hear alarm bells we know that it’s time to call it a day.
- We are happy with our own company. We’ve learned to spend time on our own, to enjoy the solitude. It’s vital to get to this point. A successful relationship in midlife is one with two independent individual and not one of clingy needy desperation!
- Midlife is such a rich time in our lives. For many of us we’ve raised our families or at least they are well on their way to independence. There is now real time for us and the satisfying of our needs. Beginning a relationship at this point in our lives is very fulfilling, we have more time to spend doing the things we like to do and to do them on our terms.
- We have full lives generally whether that’s with work, hobbies, friends or a good combination of them all. When we have a full life we find we’re not looking for a relationship to fill a hole in our lives, but rather to enhance an already good life.
- We’re wise. We realise and appreciate that the love we’re looking for now is a deeper love, a friendship and companionship, something that is deeply rewarding.
- Sex in midlife is great! We no longer worry about pregnancy, we are more at ease with ourselves generally, we know what we want and are often more open minded. Yes, it can be terrifying the first time we have sex again, however, once that fear passes we find we are more comfortable in our own skin, there is less performance anxiety, there is more laughter.
- We become better judges of a good match. We won’t put up with nonsense. We can be selective knowing that a partner does not define us. We are whole human beings leading full and interesting lives. A partner simply enhances all this.
This post first appeared on eHarmonyUK