I came across this the other day and wanted to share it with you. I believe these are wise words and can apply to all relationships we are in whether romantic, familial or business. Just tweak the words to suit the relationship!
Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship etc…The truth is, that marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. there is no romance in marriage, you have to introduce it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.
Do we start new relationships and friendships believing in this myth that the box is already full? Or with age do we realise and appreciate that all interactions with others require effort?
Someone once said to me in response to me saying I was lucky to have such good relationships with my children – luck is spelled W O R K. I liked that. It’s true. Nothing happens by itself and if we are prepared to work at the things that bug us rather than using them as the wedge that keeps us apart then we will find blessings.
Do we develop the art of giving, loving, serving and praising? Imagine a relationship infused with these things. I remember writing and speaking about raising children and was asked what my values were. I believe that we must behave in a manner in which we wish to be treated. If we want to be shown respect then we must respect first. If we want to be shown trust then we must trust first. If we want to be spoken to kindly then we must do so first. Yes, in the tough relationships in our life this will be a challenge, I admit that! But in the words of a lawyer I once spoke to ‘it only takes one person to act with dignity’. Let that person be you (and me).
My intention is to look for the best in relationships. My intention is to give, to love, to serve and to praise and trust that I will get that in return.
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Hi Rebecca – this one particularly resonates with me today – I think I’m at a stage in my 31 year old marriage where it feels like my husband and I could be falling into a rut, (or at the bottom of it already?), which I dislike intensely, or we could be heading towards an upsetting time…not sure which, but on the whole, it (the marriage) definitely needs some tlc, and has done for a while – from a lot of angles – to the point where I’ve even been wondering whether it’s worth it. But I’m glad to say the thought of it breaking, does send me into an unhappy place, whereas I’m not unhappy now, not really – just accepting that perhaps I think I know the areas which need attention more than he does. Life can be so difficult to work out sometimes, but I have a good, good man you’ll be pleased to hear who I want to keep. I just suspect we’ve maybe fallen a little out of love with one another at the moment. Taking out too much and not putting enough in perhaps? I so need to put it into words sometimes though and as always your take on things helps a great deal, so that’s what I’ve done 🙂 Take Care Alison x
Thinking of you Alison, this is so beautifully articulated (as always), keep writing and I know you’ll come up with exactly what needs to be done to give your marriage some tlc. Look after yourself throughout. Rx
How true. When I hear someone in a stable, loving relationship referred to as “lucky”, it strikes me as naive. Yes, meeting takes luck and infatuation is a high that carries you to the 1 year mark if you’re lucky. Following that, the level of intimacy you enjoy depends on your character, willingness to grow, and generosity toward filling that box!
Yes, that is so true Kevin. I wrote a piece for my son which was then published on HuffPost (http://huff.to/1tfKG2l) and in it I wrote about the 3 important things in a relationship – lust, love, and shared values. Lust gets us off the starting blocks and it is this willingness to grow and generosity that you mention that leads us to a lasting love.
Thank you Kevin, have a wonderful weekend.
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