Question your Beliefs and Start Living YOUR adventure.

Young. Old. They are just words. — George Burns

OK, so I’m coming clean….. I love the company of younger men. I’ve never watched Cougar Town (although do watch Brothers and Sisters!) and loathe the term cougar. Predatory is the last word I (and I’m sure most of my friends) would use to describe me – I suspect the word was first used by an older man who was given the brush off by a gorgeous 40 something woman who went after a man half his age!! How come Sugar Daddy sounds so benign next to Cougar?!!

Right now I am incredibly happy in my life. I’m single, I’m doing work that I love, I’m writing and I have 3 wonderful children. I have learned many things about myself over the last few years. I have learned that I am resilient, courageous and ALIVE. I have also learned that I am not averse to taking risks, that I can successfully run a home standing on my head and that I enjoy lots of FUN in my life. My life is full.

So this leads me to say that I’m not looking for ‘Mr Right’ just now. I’m happy single, running my own show. I used to think that I needed a man to complete me, to make me feel whole. This is why I fell apart after my first post marriage love affair. I was desperate for love and affection and came across as incredibly needy. How dreadful for the poor man. Over time I have come to realise that I am complete, whole and ok on my own.

So maybe this is why I am more than happy in my choice of men. I’m really not looking for someone else’s underpants to pick up off the floor and wash! The midlife (and older) men I have met do seem to be looking for a partner/secretary/domestic goddess, someone to fill a void!…..and yes of course I’m generalising!  I’ve done that so what I am looking for and getting is light-hearted, no strings fun, friendship, laughter and easy conversation, ie not discussing whether the Bank of England base rate should be raised or the pros and cons of AV (although that’s not off the agenda either!). What I am also getting is the most enormous boost to my self confidence, esteem and ego!! And oh doesn’t that make me feel like I could conquer the world!

In conversation with a girlfriend the other day, she said to me “Rebecca, this is absolutely nothing against you, really, but why would a younger guy choose an older woman?”

So, after some research with my younger friends, here are some of their responses on the appeal of the older woman………..

“I think the appeal is fulfilling that older woman fantasy at first, but for me it’s an ability to relate. Sexually and intellectually I tend to find it difficult to relate to girls of a similar age. They just don’t understand me, what I’ve done and how I think. It’s easier with older women. Plus I find them attractive and great to get along with. Relationship, yes, marriage, not sure, maybe. But then I don’t think a lot of older women are after anything but something marginally serious anyway.”TM 32

“Girls my age are looking for The One. They tend to consider settling for who fits a superficial criteria based on who is a good provider, not based on who they are in love with. I do not want to lie to someone to fulfil a need that 99{f2259cb46dcb1430efd101bad4e704c2e9271840799215b7836ec2b429f8b5c6} of us have. Most mature women are more at peace with their sexual desires making it a more relaxing situation to be in. Sexually a mature woman thinks more like a 20 something man!” KR 29

And here are some words that have come up in conversation to describe the experience of being in the company of older women: Confidence, great conversation, have a life of their own, won’t text stalk, no or fewer body hang ups, incredibly sexy and just don’t know it which makes them even more sexy, adventurous, don’t judge, fun to be with.

Top of their fantasy list – Helen Mirren (65) and Halle Berry (44)

So, what was the purpose of me telling you all that? Well, I’m going to ask you something –I’m going to ask you to question your beliefs. My friend’s belief was that a younger guy would not be looking for an older woman.

Some of you may well be turning your nose up at the idea of spending time in the company of a younger man/woman.  Some of you might fantasise about doing something so out of your comfort zone that it gives you buzz and scares the pants off you in equal measure, yet that is where it stays – in your fantasy, because that’s easy. Some might be saying “well it’s all right for you because……….” and then come up with your usual excuses for not doing something.

So, how about we just use this experience of mine as a way for you to question your life –

• What are you currently doing day in day out just because you’ve always done it and that’s the way it’s always been?
• Who are you currently being because that’s the way you were raised/society expects/your peers believe of you?
• How do you see yourself in 5/10/20 years if all things stay the same?

Is it time you stopped, took a deep breath and questioned your beliefs? Please don’t wait for some catastrophic event to bring you to your senses. You know changes can be made one baby step at a time (something I learned from the amazing Mike Dooley).

How you want to live the second half of your life? Reading about someone else’s adventures or creating and living your own?

PS. Your adventure needn’t be a toyboy! It could be simply taking yourself less seriously, starting a blog, giving up on perfectionism, learning a new skill. All and any of these WILL empower you and help you question your beliefs on who you are and what you are capable of.