I came across this quote the other day and it’s been on my mind ever since. I don’t know what you take from it when you read it but it’s kind of profound for me and I’ve had so many insights around life, midlife particularly, and dating that have led me to writing this blog post in the hope that something resonates with you my lovely.
It used to really piss me off that gurus, people I followed on social media would always talk about abundance being all around us….I just didn’t get it. I was broke, I was struggling dating, my life back then felt like it was in free fall. Others, peers, seemed to have it all – the nice life, the reliable income, the happy marriage etc etc and I was struggling with it all.
Does it sound familiar to you too?
Relationships, in one or not, is another ‘issue’ that people struggle with and with my work as a dating coach I see it all the time. And there’s a whole industry built around people’s struggles.
The one and only thing preventing people meeting another is the thinking that’s going on in their head. Basically, they see scarcity. The blocks they put up with words like, ‘I’ll never find anyone’, ‘I’m too old now’, ‘All men seem to be looking for younger women’, ‘Everyone seems to behave so badly online’, ‘I can’t cope with getting another dick pic’, ‘I don’t want to go through that pain again’……ALL of this is scarcity.
So how is it that there are plenty of people who are finding love online every single day? And I do mean love rather than a brief hook-up. I have a friend who met the love of her life online, they’re getting married very soon. I have a wonderful client who met the woman of his dreams recently. I met the man I love online. My partner in crime Saskia of Hey Saturday met her guy online. The difference between us, I believe, is that we saw abundance. We saw that meeting someone, falling in love WAS going to happen. It was a given.
So how do you do it? Well, I think the main difference is that the days things weren’t going so well, or the day the guy you fancied didn’t get back to you, or the days the dates just weren’t doing it for you….those days we didn’t take seriously. We didn’t over think things, we didn’t blame ourselves, or the world, or the guys/girls out there as being the problem. And the reason we’re able to do that is because we know that our happiness and okayness in life doesn’t depend on someone else or what’s going on in the world around us.
You have the option to pay no heed to the unhelpful thinking that’s going on between your ears. Just don’t give it that kind of power over you and your future….because it’s not true.
Someone once said that we have become mesmerised by the negative stuff in our lives. It can become addictive, just like an addiction to Facebook or Instagram or tobacco, or badmouthing your ex …or whatever your drug happens to be. You just don’t have to believe it just because you heard it in your head.
So here are some ideas to help point you in a much more helpful direction:
- Begin by noticing all you have around you, all the abundance that you’re not already noticing.
- Notice when you’re thinking goes off track. You’ll get an icky feeling, use that as your guide.
- Ask what would be more helpful to think about or believe right now.
- Be grateful for all you do have and all that’s going well in life.
- Ditch or at least limit the duration of you pity parties! You know what I’m talking about! Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself isn’t where the action is.