How do I feel?
Full of emotion.
I feel overwhelming relief and at the same time I feel overwhelming sadness.
I feel the need to grieve. Grief is vital to growth and healing. I need to feel the full force of the emotion in order to heal fully. To ignore and put aside is what poisons.
I feel the need to read the poems of Mary Oliver who wrote so eloquently in Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
The soft animal of my body craves rest right now. Peace.
My friends remind me to do this. Those who have been on this journey before me. Those who have been with me every step of the way.
My feelings are mixed. Divorcing someone you once loved is not easy. Divorce is a deeply unpleasant process.
So although this is the final ending of a marriage, a relationship, a complete family, a couple, it is also the beginning of the rest of my life. And I will choose to live a great life for myself and for my children.
But for now, quiet time and rest is what I need.
Tomorrow is another day.