I just heard something different. Actually, let me put it another way. I heard something I’ve heard many times but this time I heard it in a way that really resonated for me. A realisation of a truth.
I have a friend who puts out some great audios on Soundcloud, I like her take on where our day to day experience of life is coming from. It makes a lot of sense to me.
Here’s what I took from something she spoke about recently on the subject of struggle and ease in her life. I wanted to share it with you because you too might get some insights from it. Perhaps it might help you in the areas in your life where you find struggle rather than ease.
I have no doubt there are areas in your life that you breeze through. Things come very easily to you, things you barely give a moments thought to. Right?
For me (as it was for my friend) I’m lucky to never have to worry about my weight, I enjoy eating a healthy diet and the times I’ve eaten more than usual, I know that it won’t be a battle to shed the extra kilos I may have added – I have a set of bathroom scales but I’m not entirely sure where they are.
I also find exercise easy, I’m not consumed by it, equally I know that some exercise – a bit of running and yoga is what I enjoy and I get on and do it without too much thought.
I also find parenting comes with ease. Of course, there have been ups and downs I am no super-mum and there are times I’ve said things I wish I’d not said. There have been struggles but on the whole I’ve found parenting something that came very naturally to me.
The other thing I find comes easily to me is connecting with people. I love meeting people and talking with them, building relationships. Put me in a room with strangers and I’ll come away with new friends.
I have no doubt that in reading these few short paragraphs you’ve either been agreeing with what I’ve said comes easily to me or you’re reading in disbelief because you find nothing but struggle with one or all of what I find comes easily and naturally for me.
Interesting isn’t it? Aren’t we all amazing in our differences?!
So, here in the spirit of openness and honesty, are the things I have had struggles with (and these might surprise you!)
have spent wasted so much of my time worrying about money, whether I would make it to the end of the month and cover my outgoings. I worry about my pension (or lack thereof!), I have so many old beliefs and stories I keep telling myself that go back decades! Seriously, I exhaust myself.
Tied up with this, is my struggle with feeling successful. Yes, it’s tied up with money, crazy right. Do I see myself as successful? Sometimes, yes, when I’m not judging myself against my bank balance or comparing myself to others. A lot of the time it’s a battle.
Security, that’s another one. Divorce, several years back left me without much bricks and mortar security. I live in rented accommodation. I have stories I tell myself about what security should mean for a woman of my age…
Isn’t that interesting too? You see again you might be reading this and not understanding as these are not struggles you identify with or you may be nodding in agreement, ‘me too sister!’
So here’s the thing…
The ONLY difference between what I find easy and what I struggle with is the amount of THOUGHT I’m giving it.
The only thing. I bet for example that if you read that I find parenting easy and you find it the toughest job in the world it’s because you’ve got a whole load of thinking about it – just as I do about money, which perhaps for you is a non-issue. You may be spending so much of your time caught up in thinking how hard parenting is, how you hate the fights with your kids, how rubbish you are at it…
Curious isn’t it?
So, stop for a moment and take stock. Think about this for a moment. How much of your time is spent creating ‘drama’ about your ‘struggle’? I know I’d lose hours some days worrying about, thinking about, stressing about one of my struggles. And what good did it do me? NOTHING. It solved absolutely nothing.
Let me share some examples with you.
Most of my clients are women in midlife who are struggling with one or more areas of their life and you guessed it, they have a lot of thinking about it – judgments, beliefs, all that stuff.
I also work with men and women in midlife who are struggling with dating and again there’s a whole lot of thinking that they’re caught up in preventing them from enjoying life.
When we’re in a place of not giving something a moment’s thought, i.e. stressing or overthinking that is when we have ease in our life.
And that’s it, in a nutshell!
And here’s the really easy bit. There’s really nothing to do. There are no tools and techniques to try to fix this ‘struggle mindset’. It’s absolutely not about trying to stop the struggle thinking, it’s seeing it for what it is. Just thought.
What I find to be true is that by simply acknowledging, not judging and remarking to yourself that you have a lot of thinking about this, the struggle thinking loses its grip. This can happen over time or in a flash of insight.
We see what we want to see until it no longer makes sense to see it that way anymore.
I would love to talk more to you about this if there’s an area in your life where you’re struggling. Drop me a line and let’s have a conversation.