One of the joys of coaching for me is its forward focussed nature – a client may say, this is where I am (for example they may be feeling dissatisfied, unhappy, unhealthy, unfulfilled) and this is where I would like to be (fulfilled, happy, at peace, fit and healthy). Another attraction of coaching which I have learned both in being a coach and being coached is that it is best when content free. What I mean by that is that we make more progress without the detail, without the drama, without the never ending stories. I am paid to coach someone guiding them to move their life forward not for being an agony aunt! That’s what friends are for!
Often a very useful way to talk is in metaphor and this is what I want to explore in the hope that you will find something of use that relates to your life.
There is an ongoing issue in my life which makes me feel as if I am caught in bramble. You know when you’re out walking and the path is overgrown and a barb from an over or under hanging branch catches your trousers….. the more you thrash around and get frustrated by it the more you become attached to the bramble and before you know it your sleeves are now caught up to and the hood of your jacket too. The problem is that I need to detach myself from the bramble in order to carry on my way because I’m out on a wonderful walk. The bramble is clinging on for dear life right now and I have to find a way to unpick myself because there is a chance that I’ll become suffocated by it.
So what’s my plan of action?
- Stop and stand still for a while.
- Look around me.
- Examine the bramble that’s holding me back and begin to unpick slowly, methodically and patiently.
- Know that a little blood may be drawn in so doing!
- Once I’m free of the bramble it might be possible to come back one day and dig it out at the root….
Whilst I’ve been writing this I’ve noticed the quote in my kitchen that says “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. That too makes a difference.
There will be times in our life when we feel victim to circumstance, when we want to make fists and have a tantrum, when we feel that things are just not fair sometimes. This is when we find ways to dig deep, to detach ourselves somehow from the drama of the situation. To step back and look at it from a different perspective – this is often when we get clarity.
There are always answers. Trust your intuition. Last night I posted as my Facebook status update “I’m in need of strength, courage and wisdom right now” – I got answers from incredible places! I love how when you ‘ask’ for help it always appears and often in the most unexpected ways.
A friend had this posted on her Facebook wall and is SO personally relevant “Do just once what others say you can’t do and you will never pay attention to their limitations again”.
This one also landed in my inbox (one of my many daily messages!) “Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.”
So, where is the unnecessary drama in your life? What different story could you create about this situation? How are you indulging in ‘self-created suffering’ with this train of thoughts?…………These are the questions I’ve been asking myself. Will you do the same?!