“Right now I need peace in my head and in my life. I don’t want this see-saw that I’m living, I want more balance. The extremes of pain vs pleasure, thirst vs drowning, tears vs laughter, sickness vs health are causing me to feel so out of kilter, lacking in energy and utterly, mind numbingly exhausted.”
Struggling to find a safely filed document at the weekend I came across the above quote which I wrote almost 2 years ago whilst writing up notes following a session with my coach. I’ve read it over and over again this morning. I remember so very clearly being in that place writing how I felt back then. And how, little by little, imperceptibly at times my life has moved forward. Today I’m smiling reading it.
Today, I do have peace in my life (and in my head). I am happy in my own skin. 2 years ago I hated the weekends my children spent with their father because I felt so uncomfortable being on my own. I would often cry the whole weekend. I didn’t know what to do on my own or who to turn to. Today, although I am a sociable person, an extrovert, I LOVE my time on my own. This for me is peace.
Today, I have balance in my life. I no longer live with the out of control see-saw I did 2 years ago. The highs and lows aren’t the extremes they were, I take them both in my stride. Today I am in control of my emotions, I do not allow external circumstances to control the balance I now have in my life.
Until we are comfortable on our own, until we understand and appreciate that our happiness does not depend on another person we won’t find true peace and balance. That was the lesson I learned along the way.
What lesson do you need to learn to create a life in balance?
In your quiet moments what do you think about? What you like about yourself or what you don’t? Your strengths or your weaknesses? How far you’ve already come or how much further you’ve got to go? All that went well or everything that sucked? The good conversation you had with your teen or the blazing row? Nota bene!
Decide what it is you want, and what having balance in your life will bring. Ask yourself ‘what’ questions not ‘why’ questions. ‘Why’ questions in this context often lead backwards into blame and excuses. ‘What’ focuses us forward.
Take out a piece of paper. Do some ‘unconscious’ writing (writing without thinking too much, no corrections, no worrying about spelling or grammar, absolutely no editing – it’s a stream of consciousness). Write about your current situation, where you are and how it’s making you feel or think about your life. Then write about how you’d like to feel in as much detail as possible. Day dream a bit in full technicolor. Let go of all thoughts of ‘how the hell am I going to achieve this’, that is of no concern for this exercise. Enjoy the thrill of writing the script to your life – what is 100{f2259cb46dcb1430efd101bad4e704c2e9271840799215b7836ec2b429f8b5c6} for you?……………….go on, give it a go………..what have you got to lose?
“When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on – or you will be taught how to fly.” — Patrick Overton
Ask yourself these questions and if you need help with answering them get in touch, you’ll find my contact details here:
- If I knew I were safe and on track where would I place my focus today?
- What do I know to be true right now?
- What do I need?
- What’s best for me?
These are questions my coach asked me the day I wrote the quote at the top. By answering them I moved forward in my life to a much more peaceful, balanced and fulfilling place.
You can too.
photo credit: white ribbons
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I love this one and in particular “Until we are comfortable on our own, until we understand and appreciate that our happiness does not depend on another person we won’t find true peace and balance.” because to me, until we are comfortable on our own we are unable to be totally comfortable with others too – in particular a partner but also the many people that really have an impact on our daily life ranging from children to parents to siblings and colleagues and, and and! Thanks for the reminder – I too have balance and peace in my life today! Lx
Lottie,you are right about being fully comfortable with others once we are at peace with ourselves. Thank you! Enjoy your balance and peace too x
This was a very relevant and soothing article and has given me faith in myself as a woman who doesn’t like being on her own after a difficult break up. Thank you for taking the time to write it and help those of us who are feeling lost.
Emma, thank you for taking the time to comment. I’m glad that you found what I wrote of comfort. Break ups and heart break are never easy, yet in time, little by little we do recover. Be gentle with yourself.
Rebecca